028- Hey, Sarah! Take your own advice!

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The reason that I started this blog was to share things that I've learned with the underlying theme of Making Yourself {Myself} Proud. As I am going through this cancer 2.0, I've realized that sometimes I forget that I can refer back to my own blog for inspiration and a personal "pep talk."

From my very first blog post, one thing that I wrote was this:

"I'm a pretty tough cookie."

Even thought I never thought so before, I'm a pretty tough cookie. Have I been through hard stuff? Yes, but I don't think anything else I've been through encompassed mind, body, and spirit like going through the three parts of cancer treatment. I think that's one reason why selective amnesia is something that our body does for it's own protection. I was able to treat my treatment (chemo, lumpectomy surgery, and radiation) like a "job" or step by step process. Those that know me well know that I am somewhat of a spreadsheet junkie and while I did not make a spreadsheet of my treatments, I did mentally check things off one step at a time.

When I wrote this, of course, I didn't know that I had cancer again. Hopefully I won't have to go through chemo again, but mentally preparing for this tumor removal and reconstruction surgery has been tough on me and the people that love me. Sometimes dark thoughts creep in. Fear is a very real feeling right now. I'm worried about the physical pain after surgery. I'm stressed about being out of the office for too long.

I know I need to take my own advice from this blog. Everything is figureoutable. And I just need to take things one step at a time. I'm a planner so this *should* be easy-ish. Of course, it isn't. I don't know what my recovery will look like and that's nerve-wracking. I'm pretty independent-- I struggle with letting other people take care of me and do things for me. I know I am going to have to give up some control in this department and that's hard for me. I worry about how this is affecting my family and friends. I don't want them to have to worry about me.

Since I was diagnosed last month, I've had an immense amount of support. I probably haven't thanked everyone who has sent good wishes, prayed for me, offered after surgery support, and more. Thank you everyone who is on my cancer 2.0 support team!

I need to tell myself- hey Sarah, take your own advice. Slow down, take a deep breath, and make yourself proud!